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Heaven in a Tourniquet

Of Lions and Pizzas


bri/stef lovers

You have reached placebobitch's creative journal. It will be full of band fanfiction and random pieces of artwork. There will be lots of slash and sexual encounters. None of the people in my stories belong to me with the exception of Ben, Clémantine, Marguerite and Claude. I only write for fun and the enjoyment of others, so please don't sue me!


Of Lions and Pizzas

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bri/stef lovers
Title: Of Lions and Pizzas
Fandom: Placebo
Pairing: None
Rating: U
Notes: This was an entry for a fic challenge on the RDB. It had to include all 3 placebo boys watching a disney film, the line "No Stefan! Not again!", a rake, steve crying. This was the result.

Stefan ran for the door, successfully avoiding several obstacles of clothes, books and other items strewn across his floor. Panting from the unexpected sprint, he opened the door to a bemused looking Brian and let the petite singer inside. Brian surveyed the flat with great interest, wondering how the usually spotless abode could be turned upside down so quickly. Stef gestured across a particularly large pile of mess to the sofa and Brian collapsed gratefully onto the cushions.
“What the hell-” He started as he poured himself a drink.
“I was cleaning..” Stef interrupted feebly.
“Yeh.. It really looks like it!” Brian commented.
“Well I wanted the place to look nice for you guys, seeing as I haven’t seen you in a while. Except I got a bit carried away and started clearing out my cupboards and lost track of time really..” Stef flopped back onto the sofa.
“I guess that means you didn’t start to cook anything yet then?” Brian guessed, watching as Stef shook his head.
“We’ll order a pizza, don’t worry.” He continued, turning his gaze to the overflowing coffee table. “There wouldn’t be a takeaway menu buried under all that, would there?”
The swede shrugged his shoulders, pushing the mess around the table in an effort to find it.
“Ok I’ll clean this up, phone the pizza place and order, and you go and sort out the hallway.” Brian instructed, finishing off his drink and looking sternly at the coffee table.
“Ok.” Stef agreed as he got to his feet and started work on the nearest pile of junk. “Hopefully it should be clean by the time Steve gets here.”
“It will, Steve is always at least an hour late.” Brian grinned as he picked up a stack of magazines.

Half an hour later, the flat was looking mostly clean. Brian had helped Stef to hide most of the clutter in his wardrobe, ignoring the bassists protests and reassuring him that he could clean it properly tomorrow. Steve was still no-where to be seen and neither was the takeaway menu. Brian collapsed onto the sofa again and began idly flicking through the tv channels whilst Stef continued his hunt for the cursed menu.
“So what film are we watching tonight then?” Brian enquired. Stef paused for a moment and threw a dvd in his direction.
“The Lion King?! No Stefan! Not again!” Brian yelled, dropping the case as though it had burnt him.
“What? You broke my vhs player and that’s the only dvd I own. And I obviously didn’t have time to go to the video shop.” Stef ranted, gesturing at the broken video player. Brian hid sheepishly behind a cushion and pretended to read the back of the dvd case with interest.
“Oh hey, I can ring Stevie and ask him to pick up a dvd and pizza on the way here.” Brian suggested brightly, hunting for his mobile phone while Stef mumbled. He quickly dialled Steve’s number and waited. The drummer picked up just as Stef’s doorbell rang.
“Steve? Where are you?” Brian asked quickly.
“Walking through Stef’s hallway.” Steve laughed, appearing beside the sofa.
“Ahh bugger. You were meant to get a film and a pizza.” Brian huffed, his perfect plan ruined. “Now we’re gonna have to watch the Lion King and starve.”
“What?” Steve turned confused to Stef, waiting for him to explain.
“We couldn’t find the takeaway menu and I didn’t have time to cook. And the only dvd I own is the Lion King, so Brian’s bright idea was to make you get a film and a pizza before you got here. But you are here now, so obviously you ruined that plan.” Stef explained quickly, barely pausing for breath.
“Don’t worry Molks, I’ll make a pizza. I’m sure Stef has something edible in this flat.” Steve suggested, striding determinedly into the kitchen. Stef followed him tensely, not wanting more mess to be caused.
“It had better be a bloody good pizza!” Brian yelled, crossing his arms.
“Why don’t you put the film on Bri, we’ll be out in a sec.” Steve called through the doorway.
“Bloody Lion King..” Brian muttered to himself as he slid the disc into the player and settled back on the sofa.

Steve opened the third cupboard full of dried pasta and tins of meatballs and turned to Stef, sighing in annoyance.
“Don’t you have anything other than pasta and meatballs?” He asked in a frustrated tone.
“I have salmon in the fridge-”
“Anything pizza-esque? How about a pizza base to start with?” Steve asked as he started raiding the cupboards again.
“Uhm.. I dunno..” Stef replied as he tried to think of the last time he felt the urge to make a pizza.
“Stef..” Steve paused his search, “Why do you have a rake in your kitchen?”
“What?” Stef asked in a confused manner. Steve withdrew his head from the cupboard and pulled out a short, wooden handled rake.
“You know.. I really have no idea.” Stef replied as Steve tossed the item aside.
“It’s no good on a pizza anyway.” Steve pointed out as he resumed his search.

Stef realised it was best to leave Steve alone to make his “pizza”, so he went back to the living room to watch the film. Brian was actually humming along quietly to the circle of life, and Stef stood at the end of the hallway for a moment just watching him. It was nice to see his band mates again, he missed them when they were in-between touring and making albums. A loud clang from the kitchen made him jump, and it was difficult to resist the urge to investigate what Steve was doing. Instead Stef went and joined Brian on the sofa, curling his long legs underneath him and engrossing himself in the plight of Simba and Zazu.

The pizza was taking longer to make than Steve had anticipated, and the film was already a good 35 minutes in. All that was left to do was to chop the vegetables and put them on the base, so Steve picked up the chopping board and knife and went back into the living room to join his band mates. He sat himself down on the armchair and balanced the chopping board precariously on his knees, starting to cut up an onion.
The film had just reached the point where Simba’s dad died, and Brian felt tears welling up at his eyes. He huddled closer into Stef’s side and looked up curiously as he heard someone else in the room sniffing loudly. Stef was staring stonily at the tv, looking as though he may be holding back tears but definitely not the noisy culprit. That only left..
“STEVE!” Brian yelled, causing everyone to jump, “Are you crying?!”
“No..” Steve replied hurriedly, wiping at his eyes with his onion stained fingers, causing them to sting even more. “Its just the onions..”
“Yeah right, you’re crying over the poor lions.” Stef mocked, grinning broadly.
“Am not.” Steve protested huffily, picking up the vegetables and storming back into the kitchen. “I don’t even like this film.”

The pizza was finally cooking in the oven, but Steve had decided to stay in the kitchen. He was sulking as the sound of Brian and Stefan’s laughter had followed him for a good 5 minutes. He sat down on the floor and stared at the oven, willing it to ding and announce the completion of his precious pizza. He almost went into a kind of kitchen trance, the distant sounds of the film and his band mates chatter lulling him into a sleepy train of thought.
Steve jumped suddenly as the loud oven buzzer rang in his ears, waking him from his slumber. He hurried to his feet and opened the door, pulling a slightly burnt, but perfect in his eyes, pizza. He placed it grandly on a plate and went into the living room proudly to display his master cooking skills to the others.
Unfortunately Steve was greeted by the sight of Brian and Stef, curled up asleep on the sofa as the credits of the film scrolled across the screen.
“Guys? Guys? The pizza is ready..” Steve said quietly, creeping across the living room and tapping Stef on the shoulder. Stef merely shrugged and grunted in his sleep.
Steve grinned to himself and started the film again, picking up a slice of pizza and tapping his foot to the circle of life.
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